My Size 6 Goals Are A Bust!

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Holy Sh*t! It’s August when in the world did that happen and why? Like why does it go by so fast?  There’s still a set of open items on my damn to-do list for this summer.  One of the first open items was a  goal of being a size 6 again.  Well obvi that didn’t happen so that needs to be pushed back… or does it?

I mean I look at this very picture on the fridge every day with some sort of incentive to not open the freezer and take a spoon of Noah’s cookies and cream ice cream.  It’s supposed to keep my “eyes on the prize” some how.  It’s been there for about 2 years now, so clearly it’s not doing much for me or these cravings.

Let me take you back to this girl for a sec.  She was 25 years old (8 years ago) and “somewhat” happy with her body.  She’s “somewhat” worked hard to get that body and keep it that way.  She’s gone to the gym twice a day, 5 days a week for 6 months just so she can wear that very same bikini and more importantly a really nice white dress that she’ll never wear again, it was being made for a size 6 body so either I went in and did my thing in the gym or I’d have an unintentional backless wedding dress.

My determination to get to that size 6 was at an all time peak and I’ve never ever been able to tap into that again once my weight started creeping back on. Being a size 6 was my “happy” place, I was able to wear tiny shirts and shorts without muffin tops. I swam in my husbands tees and boxers as opposed to them feeling a little snug now.  Getting dress was super exciting and these streets were my runway!  There were a lot of ups and downs with this size 6 frame though.

UPs 

• Looked and felt so damn good
• Could shop on the clearance rack at Zara’s
• Boobs weren’t too big to wear a baby tee
• I was 165 lbs wearing a size 6

DOWNs 

• It was tough to stay at this weight
• I needed to go to the gym every day and eat rabbit food
• I was on diet pills and my body became resistant to it
• I wasn’t healthy
• Once off the diet pills I began to eat more and pack on the lbs quickly.

I don’t think I’ve told anyone about my diet pills, it was sort of a secret to even my husband.  He’s into fitness and takes pride in what he puts in his body so he would’ve been upset to know that I chose to take them.  When I did discontinue them,  I was no longer able to keep the weight off because it was done so unnaturally.

The battle I face everyday is wondering if I’ll ever achieve the goal of being a size 6 the natural way.  The truth is I come from a fluffy family, we all are beautifully shaped women with a little extra meat on our bones.  So maybe I am not supposed to be a size 6.  Just off the simple fact that things are a bit different now, the most important thing is that IM NOT 25 ANYMORE!  It’s been 8 years and just as is its impossible to be 25 again, it maybe just that to be a size 6 again.  I’m now a mother and I just can’t go to the gym 2x a day anymore, I love food and sweets and I care more for myself than to go down that dark path again.  I can however, lose enough weight to become healthy and fit whatever size that may be.

This time, my journey will be different though and I’m not going to glorify the girl in this picture any longer.   I will lose the weight but instead of focusing on my size, I’ll focus on how I feel so I can make these streets my runway once again.

I’m working on the confidence to know that I am good enough and if that means a size 10 is where it’s at, then I will be the best friggin size 10 I can be.

No more gimmicks or quick ways to do this, cause this time it will stay off because of my new lifestyle adaptation.

Have you tried any fad diets or plans that didn’t work for your long term goals of being skinty? Yes Skinty!

Thanks for stopping by.

Char xoxo